Napapansin ko….

…nakakapag-post lang ako kapag masama ang loob ko….

And yes, grabe, and I know blogging somehow ease it. The thought that I am like talking to you and sort of prayer na rin.

God demands the totality of your being. That you invest all of yourSelf into celebrating the glory and the preciousness of being alive right now, no holding back and saving for later.

That came from an application in Facebook and yes it somehow, shot right through me. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Funny, this morning, well, my husband and I had an argument and yes it is the argument that most couples go through. MONEY! Priorities and other stuff. But of course, I didn’t really shout or anything, I am really afraid of him to do that. But you know, my heart was really crying.

Arggghhhh… Basta. Yun. Then after he went to work I prayed to God,” ano po ba gagawin ko? Should I look for a job? Bakit naman ang tagal ng blessings?” Hahaha….That’s just a rebellious daughter speaking to her Father.

Then, after that, Ate, my sister-in-law, got into some argument with my brother-in-law and yes, it was about money. Then I was kinda thinking “See? Lord? everybody here is having the same problem!”

And then she approached me (I was folding our clothes then and the door was open), she said ” Bakit kasi hindi pa sagutin na lang ni Lord ang lahat ng dasal natin eh no… Hindi naman sa pag-aano (she said this as a disclaimer kasi Christian din siya)… Eh kaya lang sana wala na ganitong problema!”

I said, ” well, He can’t answer all of our prayers because He needs to look into our hearts first. May nabasa akong book (Breakthrough Prayer by Pastor Jim Cymbala) sabi we need to clean our lives or at least attempt to para i-answer yung prayer natin. Like, yan yung sa 5-6, diyan pa lang wala na yung faith niyan e…Kasi if He is going to answer all our prayers and we’re doing things na una pa lang ipinagbawal niya eh, it’s like He is supporting our lifestyle di ba?”

Then she said, ” eh di yun nga dapat na lang magpadala siya ng blessing para wala ng bumbay! Kahit ilang libro naman basahin ko tungkol sa prayer wala rin kasi wala naman…”

I said (in a defeated tone), ” eh dun nga makikita yung faith e, minsan He is asking for our obedience first before He gives the blessing. Paano naman kung i-bless niya tayo with what we want e, hindi naman ready heart natin. Baka lalo lang tayo mapalayo sa kaniya” At this point, God was impressing to me, “There is your answer, ikaw na ang sumagot!”

Hahaha… You are truly my Father! Biruin mo..Hahaha…Minsan talaga ang tao no, alam naman ang sagot sa tanong eh nagtatanong pa!

Ah, then I prayed after that. Repented for every sin I know of. Then I asked Him what should I do na. Wahahaha…My husband texted ” Wag na muna.” (About the new work na papasukin ko sana). Okay, Wives submit to your husband.

Embraced By God

July 24,2009- we went to the 25th anniversary celebration of Victory Christian Fellowship in Araneta and boy, God was sure present there. I was with Charmaine, my sister (please post the pics!) and we had a blast! Also, I was very happy to see my friends in VCF Alabang growing in their faith with God. Yeah! You are so good!

July 25,2009- went to Dad’s place in Laguna because I was hoping to look at some apartments there where we could move and to also see my grandmother. I would really want to talk to her or just see her. See, she is 84, papansin na… Hehehe…I know she misses me, though I know when she sees me, she will just insult me and stuff. Hahaha…But what a Christian should do? Of course, just shrug it off! I felt convicted throughout the years that I became a Christian that I should show everyone that I have changed, that God changed me. One way of doing that is mustering to be patient with my old grandma.

Rewind 2001. I was really a rebel. I was thinking, I was a rebel for a cause, I want to tell them I have every rights to live as I please it and they have to shut their mouth up about me. I shout at them (at her), I drink, I curse. Name it, I’ve done it (pwera lang drugs promise!). But as God slowly touch my heart, I begin to realize that I wasn’t really reblling for a cause, I was just ruining my life and showing people they were right about me.

Fast forward, 2009. Got married to a great man, getting strong in God, I realized that I need to be really patient. It’s not enough that I could recite Bible verses and evangelize to other people when my family, my own family, see me differently. I couldn’t be impatient anymore, I couldn’t be not understanding , most of all I couldn’t be disrespectful. I felt God is working in my heart. As I feel that I have this daunting task of witnessing to the people close to me to break the curse in our clan. I know it will never be easy because we were raised not to show our emotions, to be always angry and doubtful with each other. But you see, someone has to start. And I know that God is putting that burden in my heart.

I am happy, that I know “GOD is ahead of me touching people’s heart” (from Ptr Michael VCF-QC.) And I know that as I let God heal me, touch me, and make me forgive others, He is also doing that to the rest of my family. And in time, I will be ready to witness to them and will be able to show them how God radically changed my heart towards His.

Know any Homebased jobs?

This past few days I felt sop restless. Though I have a wonderful job, I know that this is really not me. But God is telling me to stay put so I am. When I applied to this job, I told Him I’d stay here until he tells me to move on. But it’s really hard to control the freak inside me, always thinking that I couldn’t do this, or hoping to justify that God has better things for me. But I know that God wants me to stay here. With my husband and me seeing each other only for 2 or 3 hours a day, it really makes me think twice about this job.

When I was young I never really imagined myself being a housewife. But now that I am already a wife, I am really looking forward to being a housewife. Huh? Labo. Sudden change of preference. I really want to be there when my husband arrives, cook meals for him…Ugh…I am so weird. But now, with the economic kiyemes I know that I can’t because we need to help each other out financially. I discussed to him an option, to do a homebased work. Waaaahhhh…Problem is I don’t have any idea what job would take me. Got any?

Life Lessons from Cashflow 101

This morning I went to Ortigas with my brother-in-law’s wife to play Cashflow with the Create Abundance community. Well, I was already expecting so much about this game and we have been procrastinating for a long time. For those who don’t know Cashflow is the game that Robert Kiyosaki, who wrote the best-selling book “Rich Dad Poor Dad”, invented. It teaches all about financial literacy, meaning, learning to invest and how to handle finances, learning to take calculated risk in a simulated environment. If you know Monopoly, It is more of that kind except this has more rules and more real-life. So if you want to know more, you might want to visit the community’s website www.ca2020.ning.com.

On the way to Ortigas I kept asking Dred, if there is a dress code. Because we were both wearing jeans and from my experience those kind of gathering requires that we wear some sort of a business attire but she said it is not needed since her Coach didn’t tell her.Okay, so we went in jeans. I was quite surprise to see a lot of people…wearing business attire! Well, they didn’t made us feel off so that is really okay. What really amazed me is that there at a lot of people, we filled the place and there are many tables for playing. Fun! So okay, we met our moderator, Coach Abbie and Coach Jerson and they introduced us to the rules of the game and to each other and…YAY! We were handed a balance sheet. Uh-oh! I was kinda expecting this because I read so much about the board game but seeing it in front of you made me quiver. I hate Math! I abhor Math! More so accounting! But hey, Coaches were encouraging so we started playing. We started about 9:30am and they said it would end about 12:30. Okay long 3 hours, right? Wrong. The time was not enough. When Coach was saying that we only have 5 minutes left we were saying “oh my!” Kinda saying “bitin”. Yes, believe it or not 3 hours was not enough. You want to play more, learn more and that is how exactly we felt. The game is exciting and the people in our group are very accommodating and fun. You may want to join us next time. Just email me or join the community just tell them I invited you.(My name is Clarissa Centeno)

Okay, so what did I learn? I might also be sharing what the others shared after the game.

1. I got so excited because I was getting the hang of doing calculated risk. You see, I made a big loan from the bank just to purchase this business which in fairness has high yield and ROI. So I really calculated (congratulate me!) and found out that even with loan payments and all I’ll still me making $550.00 as cashflow. Coolness. In real life most of us were taught not to take out loans for anything, and as we grow older we were forced to take out loans (from credit cards, 5-6) just so we can make ends meet. But in here, we were being coached to make loans to make more money. You see, borrow someone else’s money but make sure that even while paying that loan, you still get something out of it, cash flow, so you don’t have to borrow during emergency.

2. Saving is losing. Yup, you’re right. I was warned that most people will react negatively if I say it in public. Because what is our idea of becoming rich? Saving enough until we can buy what we want. But, if you play the game, you will learn that no matter how much money you have in your hands, you’re still not rich because the only way to become truly rich is to have passive income (income that you get even if you stop working) that is more than your monthly expenses. So you really have to invest, to make that money work for you or you’ll end up being left in the rat race.

3. Dreams are free but living your dream is expensive. But hey, that is the difference between poor, middle and rich class, the poor dreams small and the rich dreams big. So they get big. See the picture? Also, it is notable from RDPD books that the poor’s mindset always says “I can’t afford that” but the rich mindset asks ” how can I afford that?” The latter, meaning you’re making your brain work and think of possible ways of getting rich.

4. Passive income is the key. Yes, again, passive income are income that you get even without having to go to work. This will come from big businesses, and real estate investments. As you may have noticed, the rich are the people playing golf on a weekday, they dine at the most expensive restaurants during times that most of us work. Because they have passive income.

5. Leverage. Using other people’s money to generate income for yourself. In the game, you can get Small Deal Cards that contains Stock information of certain companies (fiction) and then it says, ” Only you may buy”, so the technique is to ask your co-players to get shares in that stock and since you have the information, you can ask for something in return like a cut from their dividend or profit once they sell or make a profit at hand.

6. Buy low sell high. Obviously. But we were also taught to buy at large quantity because you will not feel the profit if it’s just $2 right?

7. It’s not how much money you make it is how much you keep and how hard that money is working for you. My character in the game is a doctor. And at first we taught that was great because my salary is above all of them. But there was a downside, I had more expenses than most of the players as well. Notice the similarity in real-life. Don’t we all wonder why is it that when we have 8,000/month income it was enough but when our income ballooned to 15,000 it is still the same though there is 7,000 difference? Yes, because as our salaries go up our expenses and the cost of living that we set becomes higher as well. Instant gratification. So after the game, I joked “hmmm… Ayoko na mag-work” Hehehe.

So there. I also have some few lessons learned that are not from the board game but from the people in the community. After the game Coach Patrick Esmundo came at our table and asked us how we did. And then he imparted some invaluable life and financial lessons. He said that the path to becoming rich is not easy. A lot of people will surely contradict you in a way, sometimes even your family, so it is better if you surround yourself with people of the right mind so you can keep the desires burning. He’s not saying to leave them, but just know where the boundaries are in listening to them. After all, it is you who will make the decision. Also, he said leave your past failures in the past, don’t let it hinder you future. And also, I think, the people there are dreaming big, so they are reaching big things. And me too I dream big and I pray that I will be able to reach those dreams! Thanks CA2020 community!

Putting My Faith in Christ

My sister, Charm, always text me during Sunday to tell me what topic they had at church and how our dear pastors there interpreted and explained it. Then she will text me some verses. This has been going on since I moved here in Rizal because I now rarely go to church or go to a different church, it is not that the church I go to now is not Christian but I just really miss my home church. So she opened up like this. ” te, ang ganda ng topic ngayon, it’s for the people who think they have faith but really don’t”. I replied “ouch! that hurts!” Then she said, “ouch talaga!”

So it was all about us being Christian but sometimes we don’t know that we’re putting our faith in our faith and not to Jesus Christ. That we tend to just hear what we want to hear from church than listen to the true and sound doctrine. Well, yeah, I think it really got me. LIke now, I rarely go to church because I miss the feeling of being in VCF Alabang. Which I know is bad. Hmmm… What else? Then she told me about God revealing to us things yet we don’t obey. Ouch! And then we are just claiming His promises but really we’re not putting any effort to it. Yeah… Like what are those I ask her. Then she told me, ” I know you know what those are. It’s really up to you to discern.” Then I came to realize a lot of things. Some petty things actually in my point of view but I am not doing anything about because I didn’t thuink God really cares for all of that. But then I suddenly remembered that God is really after our everything. He wants us as living sacrifice! ( Romans 12:1-2) So it means I really have to surrender everything to Him. Not just my prayer time, my family life but everything. As I come to think of it, God made a lot of promises to me, showed me how I can get them but still I didn’t do it. Then I prayed and here are what He told me.

He promised me I will have a child. – but I have PCOS, my OB told me I need to lose weight or it will really be hard for me to conceive. So what’s in it? I never tried to get rid of my addiction to wrong food ( which is by the way can be considered idolatry because I can’t stop it), never tried to exercise or do anything to make my womb “conceivable”. As my good friend Ganns, always joke in his blog, “our body is the temple of the Holy Sprit not the Mall of Asia”. And my doctor also told me that I really need to prepare before I get pregnant because with the weight I have right now, there’s a high risk for me to have high blood pressure when I labor.
I will be rich (or at least will be able to live a comfortable life)- but sometimes I forget to tithe. HOw can he pour out the blessings when I don’t sow sparingly? In Malachi 3:10, he promised He will pour out blessings so much we won’t have enough room for it but he has a condition, give your first 10 percent. Well, I am failing in that so that answers my question.
I will live a peaceful life- but I always indulge in chatting and whining about things that are not what He wants to hear. in 2 Timothy 2:16 it said , “Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly.” and 2 timothy 2:14 “Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.” Most of the time I do this, to be honest, talk about things that are of no value, whine about my job, talk about Errol (my colleague), or anyone at that.
So these are just some of the things that I do which I didn’t realize is hindering God from using me. Of course, I understand that God wants to bless me but with these attitudes why would He take the risk. If He makes me rich now that I am not in the proper mindset it might ruin me right? I though about it, I prayed about it and He told me:

Hebrews 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

It is really great to feel that God is talking to you. Well, throughout my life, I have wandered and wasted a great deal of my time and life yet He always call me not letting me go. Now I just have to grab my Bible and talk to Him again He might have some more revelations.

How Does Video Games Affect Our Minds and Lives?

As I read this article, I remembered an instance when one of the closest person in my heart had a relationship in MU. It just seemed so crazy for me, like courting online, protecting each other online and the likes. Hehehe…This article is much worse. Funny though. Imagine having to kill your husband’s character in an RPG and you get sued for it! If the link foes not work, copy and paste this in your browser.

http://videogames.yahoo.com/feature/online-divorcee-jailed-after-killing-virtual-hubby/1259111

Enjoy!

A Noble Purpose

This morning I was reading my Bible before I went out to do the stuff that I do (work?). I follow VCF’s Bible Study guide and today being October 21st, I read 2 Timothy 2 and 2 Timothy 1(which I failed to read yesterday,sorry Lord!). What caught my attention was this verse in chapter 1 verse 7:

” … for God did not give us the spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline”

And being the person that I am, I focused on the spirit of power. I immediately put in my journal:

” YEAH, God gave me the spirit of power. It means I can do everything in God who strengthens me. Rock on!”

But God told me to wait… and read on. I did…And then I read chapter 2 verse 19:

” Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.”

And chapter 2 verses 15 and 16:

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. 16Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly”

It is amazing how God detailed in the Bible how he want things to happen and what He is giving us to help us make the thing happen. Now, reading the entire chapter I knew why God told me to read on and not to just look at what I want to look at.

In the latter part of 2 Timothy 2, we are being taught to clean ourselves so we can be used for God’s noble purpose. How do we do that? He gave us the spirit of SELF-DISCIPLINE. Wow! Noticed how the word loops to where it started? Amazing. God’s message for me today is (as written in my journal):

“ He gave me the all the power I can use to keep His commands and serve Him, not for my own use or not for the satisfaction of men.I am given the spirit of POWER, LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE, to make a difference, to be different, to help out, to share what I have and to turn away from wickeness so He can use me for His noble purpose.”

Lord, I pray that I will be able to turn away from wickedness. I pray that now, I will be able to prepare myself to be used for your noble purpose. Refine me. Purify me. Thank you for giving me the power of SELF-DISCIPLINE and I pray that I CAN USE THAT now to change my heart and my desires so that I can focus solely on serving You. I pray in Jesus Name. Amen.

Work-Related

(my wordpress blog has been in hiatus since I am enjoying multiply too much. But I want to revive it. Yey!)

Well, if you are my friend then probably (and hopefully) you are following my blog which means that you know quite well that I am a call center agent. And yes, I hate my job but I have been doing this for 4 years now. Last year, I jumped from one company to another hoping to find another Peoplesupport.

AI am currently with a company now and sad to say, I’ve discovered what my problem is, my attitude towards the job is not fitting any company at all. It is not the company that I don’t like but the job. I don’t like to speak to Am clients anymore more so be in the graveyard shift. I want a normal life, maybe a business.

I admire my friend Lyle for choosing to leave the business even if it means lesser pay, at least he is happy. And I remember my college friend Jane, telling me that money is the reason I stay in this industry is bull. Well, yeah. I am not happy and money can’t buy happiness. Aaarrrggghhhh….Torn between a lot of things. I know God has a reason why He puts me in this company, maybe to teach me a lesson or two or just simply use me. However, I’m really tired and my body is not getting healthier with the erratic schedule and stress.

Just yesterday I went to the doctor for check up. She ordered me to go and get a schedule for whole abdomen ultrasound and 8 lab tests, like crea, cholesterol, FBS. She said I am too fat that she is worried that the reason why I’m fat is that I have a more serious illness. She is considering me to have cholelithiasis and/or diabetes type 2. Will get the result of lab, later and ultrasound tomorrow. I pray to God nothing serious. But something is serious by the way, I’ve been constantly monitoring my BP and it was consistently 140/110. Not good. Tsk. Puyat at pagod. Tsk.

So now, a lot of things are in my mind. Weighing a lot of options, creating reasons to leave mthe business. If only my husband will allow me to.

Thank You Lord!

Thank you Lord! Thank you Lord! Thank you Lord! These 3 words are all I managed to say when the bus I was riding on my way to work crashed in a center island in Alabang.

I remember, I was praying when I got on the bus that I was actually praying t God that I will not be late. I kept my watch inside my bag so as not to worry and trust God that that prayer will happen. and then He told me, not to think about it because I will not be late whatever happens ( I work in Pioneer Mandaluyong and I left home past 7:30 pm, my shift starts at 9:00pm). Then, then I waited for the manong to give me my ticket. When we reached Susana Heights exit, I went to sleep. Then, I heard the people on the bus screaming and then a strong impact, the bus hit the center island. I wasn’t hurt because I was able to hold the steel bars in front of me. Then we all went to the door, panicking, afraid that the bus might explode. Then we all went out, me, half crying. But I just thanked God I wasn’t hurt and nobody was hurt. Then we just rode another bus.

You know what happened. I arrived at work 8:55 pm! Not late. God, you’re so great. Indeed nothing is impossible. Imagine, there was accident, but then God still kept His promise. If there is one thing God is not, He is not a liar. It is a good thing I trust Him with my life.

Rabbles

Yesterday, we attended church. It was the last installment of the series, “LOST”. This is not to talk about that though, since Pastor Sonny already tackled that yesterday. Hehehe…

It was my first day ( for the nth time) of discussing One2One with a small group leader, her name is Glo. It was great having been attending church for a long time after I “backslid”, I never joined small group until yesterday. There, I was given a Bible calendar to have a guide to my Bible -reading.

This morning, I read about Numbers 10-11, and was touched deeply. This talks about how the Israelites trusted and obeyed God in the beginning but complained and ranted to Him in the end. Numbers 10 talks about how God commanded Moses to tell Israelites to like follow the cloud. Everytime the cloud lifts and leaves the Israelites follow and as soon as the cloud rests, they camp in that place. They obeyed God, they follow the cloud, camp where the cloud rests even if it takes a month, a year or even decade before the cloud will lift again. It was good obedience , but later in chapter 11, they started to complain about not having meat as food. They said they were so tired of eating manna, they complained about the provision that was given to them by God! So God gave them what they ask for. He gave quails so many that they have ebough of it for a month. He gave the people a lot of meat they hated it in the end. Because that is what God wants them to feel, He became mad that ” while the meat was still between their teeth and before it could be consumed, the anger of the LORD burned against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague” (verse 33). To relate that in the present time here are some points I derived from it, based on my own experience:

1. We obey God at the start- especially when provisions are new. We just had our new car, new house and our business is picking up great.

2. Then we start to complain – when our neighbor gets the newest car model and the likes. When we feel that we’re getting less. Like how they complain about the manns, we want more, we want “meat”, more money, greater job, newest car, a mansion. That we tend to forget that God is the provider, that we have to make all the things that we have prosper first and that God certainly knows what to do.

He wants the best for us, of course. But we also have to show obedience first and be thankful on what we have first and then if He sees we can be trsted with greater things then He will give us His best. Sadly, I am like that, I keep on complaining about my job now, I want something new, I want a business. I forgot that God provided this for me and this is where He puts me. I just pray I can change my state of mind.

“God, give me a thankful and patient heart. Help me stop complaining and help me learn to trust you fully. Amen.”

post also in my Multiply site.