Napapansin ko….

…nakakapag-post lang ako kapag masama ang loob ko….

And yes, grabe, and I know blogging somehow ease it. The thought that I am like talking to you and sort of prayer na rin.

God demands the totality of your being. That you invest all of yourSelf into celebrating the glory and the preciousness of being alive right now, no holding back and saving for later.

That came from an application in Facebook and yes it somehow, shot right through me. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Funny, this morning, well, my husband and I had an argument and yes it is the argument that most couples go through. MONEY! Priorities and other stuff. But of course, I didn’t really shout or anything, I am really afraid of him to do that. But you know, my heart was really crying.

Arggghhhh… Basta. Yun. Then after he went to work I prayed to God,” ano po ba gagawin ko? Should I look for a job? Bakit naman ang tagal ng blessings?” Hahaha….That’s just a rebellious daughter speaking to her Father.

Then, after that, Ate, my sister-in-law, got into some argument with my brother-in-law and yes, it was about money. Then I was kinda thinking “See? Lord? everybody here is having the same problem!”

And then she approached me (I was folding our clothes then and the door was open), she said ” Bakit kasi hindi pa sagutin na lang ni Lord ang lahat ng dasal natin eh no… Hindi naman sa pag-aano (she said this as a disclaimer kasi Christian din siya)… Eh kaya lang sana wala na ganitong problema!”

I said, ” well, He can’t answer all of our prayers because He needs to look into our hearts first. May nabasa akong book (Breakthrough Prayer by Pastor Jim Cymbala) sabi we need to clean our lives or at least attempt to para i-answer yung prayer natin. Like, yan yung sa 5-6, diyan pa lang wala na yung faith niyan e…Kasi if He is going to answer all our prayers and we’re doing things na una pa lang ipinagbawal niya eh, it’s like He is supporting our lifestyle di ba?”

Then she said, ” eh di yun nga dapat na lang magpadala siya ng blessing para wala ng bumbay! Kahit ilang libro naman basahin ko tungkol sa prayer wala rin kasi wala naman…”

I said (in a defeated tone), ” eh dun nga makikita yung faith e, minsan He is asking for our obedience first before He gives the blessing. Paano naman kung i-bless niya tayo with what we want e, hindi naman ready heart natin. Baka lalo lang tayo mapalayo sa kaniya” At this point, God was impressing to me, “There is your answer, ikaw na ang sumagot!”

Hahaha… You are truly my Father! Biruin mo..Hahaha…Minsan talaga ang tao no, alam naman ang sagot sa tanong eh nagtatanong pa!

Ah, then I prayed after that. Repented for every sin I know of. Then I asked Him what should I do na. Wahahaha…My husband texted ” Wag na muna.” (About the new work na papasukin ko sana). Okay, Wives submit to your husband.

How Does Video Games Affect Our Minds and Lives?

As I read this article, I remembered an instance when one of the closest person in my heart had a relationship in MU. It just seemed so crazy for me, like courting online, protecting each other online and the likes. Hehehe…This article is much worse. Funny though. Imagine having to kill your husband’s character in an RPG and you get sued for it! If the link foes not work, copy and paste this in your browser.

http://videogames.yahoo.com/feature/online-divorcee-jailed-after-killing-virtual-hubby/1259111

Enjoy!

A Noble Purpose

This morning I was reading my Bible before I went out to do the stuff that I do (work?). I follow VCF’s Bible Study guide and today being October 21st, I read 2 Timothy 2 and 2 Timothy 1(which I failed to read yesterday,sorry Lord!). What caught my attention was this verse in chapter 1 verse 7:

” … for God did not give us the spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline”

And being the person that I am, I focused on the spirit of power. I immediately put in my journal:

” YEAH, God gave me the spirit of power. It means I can do everything in God who strengthens me. Rock on!”

But God told me to wait… and read on. I did…And then I read chapter 2 verse 19:

” Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.”

And chapter 2 verses 15 and 16:

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. 16Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly”

It is amazing how God detailed in the Bible how he want things to happen and what He is giving us to help us make the thing happen. Now, reading the entire chapter I knew why God told me to read on and not to just look at what I want to look at.

In the latter part of 2 Timothy 2, we are being taught to clean ourselves so we can be used for God’s noble purpose. How do we do that? He gave us the spirit of SELF-DISCIPLINE. Wow! Noticed how the word loops to where it started? Amazing. God’s message for me today is (as written in my journal):

“ He gave me the all the power I can use to keep His commands and serve Him, not for my own use or not for the satisfaction of men.I am given the spirit of POWER, LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE, to make a difference, to be different, to help out, to share what I have and to turn away from wickeness so He can use me for His noble purpose.”

Lord, I pray that I will be able to turn away from wickedness. I pray that now, I will be able to prepare myself to be used for your noble purpose. Refine me. Purify me. Thank you for giving me the power of SELF-DISCIPLINE and I pray that I CAN USE THAT now to change my heart and my desires so that I can focus solely on serving You. I pray in Jesus Name. Amen.

Work-Related

(my wordpress blog has been in hiatus since I am enjoying multiply too much. But I want to revive it. Yey!)

Well, if you are my friend then probably (and hopefully) you are following my blog which means that you know quite well that I am a call center agent. And yes, I hate my job but I have been doing this for 4 years now. Last year, I jumped from one company to another hoping to find another Peoplesupport.

AI am currently with a company now and sad to say, I’ve discovered what my problem is, my attitude towards the job is not fitting any company at all. It is not the company that I don’t like but the job. I don’t like to speak to Am clients anymore more so be in the graveyard shift. I want a normal life, maybe a business.

I admire my friend Lyle for choosing to leave the business even if it means lesser pay, at least he is happy. And I remember my college friend Jane, telling me that money is the reason I stay in this industry is bull. Well, yeah. I am not happy and money can’t buy happiness. Aaarrrggghhhh….Torn between a lot of things. I know God has a reason why He puts me in this company, maybe to teach me a lesson or two or just simply use me. However, I’m really tired and my body is not getting healthier with the erratic schedule and stress.

Just yesterday I went to the doctor for check up. She ordered me to go and get a schedule for whole abdomen ultrasound and 8 lab tests, like crea, cholesterol, FBS. She said I am too fat that she is worried that the reason why I’m fat is that I have a more serious illness. She is considering me to have cholelithiasis and/or diabetes type 2. Will get the result of lab, later and ultrasound tomorrow. I pray to God nothing serious. But something is serious by the way, I’ve been constantly monitoring my BP and it was consistently 140/110. Not good. Tsk. Puyat at pagod. Tsk.

So now, a lot of things are in my mind. Weighing a lot of options, creating reasons to leave mthe business. If only my husband will allow me to.

Rabbles

Yesterday, we attended church. It was the last installment of the series, “LOST”. This is not to talk about that though, since Pastor Sonny already tackled that yesterday. Hehehe…

It was my first day ( for the nth time) of discussing One2One with a small group leader, her name is Glo. It was great having been attending church for a long time after I “backslid”, I never joined small group until yesterday. There, I was given a Bible calendar to have a guide to my Bible -reading.

This morning, I read about Numbers 10-11, and was touched deeply. This talks about how the Israelites trusted and obeyed God in the beginning but complained and ranted to Him in the end. Numbers 10 talks about how God commanded Moses to tell Israelites to like follow the cloud. Everytime the cloud lifts and leaves the Israelites follow and as soon as the cloud rests, they camp in that place. They obeyed God, they follow the cloud, camp where the cloud rests even if it takes a month, a year or even decade before the cloud will lift again. It was good obedience , but later in chapter 11, they started to complain about not having meat as food. They said they were so tired of eating manna, they complained about the provision that was given to them by God! So God gave them what they ask for. He gave quails so many that they have ebough of it for a month. He gave the people a lot of meat they hated it in the end. Because that is what God wants them to feel, He became mad that ” while the meat was still between their teeth and before it could be consumed, the anger of the LORD burned against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague” (verse 33). To relate that in the present time here are some points I derived from it, based on my own experience:

1. We obey God at the start- especially when provisions are new. We just had our new car, new house and our business is picking up great.

2. Then we start to complain – when our neighbor gets the newest car model and the likes. When we feel that we’re getting less. Like how they complain about the manns, we want more, we want “meat”, more money, greater job, newest car, a mansion. That we tend to forget that God is the provider, that we have to make all the things that we have prosper first and that God certainly knows what to do.

He wants the best for us, of course. But we also have to show obedience first and be thankful on what we have first and then if He sees we can be trsted with greater things then He will give us His best. Sadly, I am like that, I keep on complaining about my job now, I want something new, I want a business. I forgot that God provided this for me and this is where He puts me. I just pray I can change my state of mind.

“God, give me a thankful and patient heart. Help me stop complaining and help me learn to trust you fully. Amen.”

post also in my Multiply site.

Pains

These past few days I’ve been writing about the sadness of my heart. These past few weeks has been a hell lot painful, but still I have so much to be thankful of. I’ve learned a lot of lessons and I’ve known the people around me.

See, I’ve been jobless for weeks now. There has been a conflict with my grandma and the electricity got disconnected. Talk about when it rains it pours. But those are nothing compared to what I felt last night. You see, we have no electricity last night so I called my dad to ask if we could stay there just for the night. Then my sister said my dad agreed. We went there, with a bag with clothes. Then my sister went out the house and told me we can’t sleep there because my dad and my stepmom fought because apparently my stepmom did not agree that we sleep there. O come on! I can’t help but cry. Imagine, I am just ASKING for HELP! Just for a night. Then we decided to just go to my hubby’s house and travel from Laguna to Rizal at 10 pm.

Okay. So we were there. I was so happy with them. I envy my husband for having a very supportive family and a very loving one at that. Imagine, we’re more well off than them but still his family still finds a way to help us and even other people, even if they don’t have much resources. Argghh.. And my family, with all the wealth and capabilities that they have still manages to be so selfish. Poor me. But I am just praying for them.

Lessons learned: Money will not make us happy. Then, I am only good to some people when I ahve money. The world sucks! I am lucky that I am not for the world, only for God.

Two ears and One Mouth

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak…

Maybe I am this type of person.

Before, I am the talker. Talk about myself, what I believe in and what my problems are. But as I mature, I learned more to be on the listener side. It saddens me to know that I have offended a lot of people in my past because of the words I said and my being overly tactless. Imagine, whenever I read my high schoolmates friendsters, I want to cry because they are saying they were hurt during highschool they felt outcast and shamed and I know I am somehow a part of it. And now as I’ve come to realize it I want to say sorry for them. Now I realized that there are lot of people with problems greater than mine and talents greater than mine. (I want to thank my man for this because he taught me to shut up and listen).

My problem now is that, I overly became serious. I have stage fright now (I only had this now!!!). I can’t crack jokes anymore. Maybe I have changed a lot eversince my civil status changed.

But I love myself now, being able to talk to my Creator more than before because I rarely talk to anyone even at work. But maybe I still need a part of my old self.

Can I have two ears and two mouths? (hehehe not literally ha!)