Saved by Grace

Give to Receive!

Being Out of Control

This past few days, God is really showing Himself to me. And like Jacob in this article, I am now in my weaker state. You see, I know that for Jacob it is his physical strength but for me it is my finances. I am strong when I have, I am weak when I have none. And now, He is showing Himself to me, and wants my dependence and surrender. When it comes to finances, it is very hard for me to ask for help. It is better for me to “utang” than ask someone to help me out. I was raised that way. I am not a good receiver. When someone give me something I try to my best of ability to give something back. God is showing me to change that. There are times that people want to be blessed that is why they are helping me. And I wouldn’t allow it. God is asking me to ask for help, for His help most especially in this area of my life. It has been a great struggle for me most especially with finances. This is one area that I find it hard to obey Him (tithing anyone?). And this article has really touched me today. As God touched my “hip bone” and destroyed my control.

Jacob’s Defining Moment
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman
Wednesday, June 09 2010

“So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, ‘It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared'” (Gen 32:30).

Every believer in Jesus Christ must have a defining moment in their lives. Jacob is about to meet his brother Esau in the desert after years of separation. The last time he saw him was when he manipulated the birthright from him years ago. He assumes Esau is going to try to kill him. He sends gifts ahead as a peace offering. And he spends a restless night in prayer asking God to spare his and his family’s life.

Jacob has lived a life of control and manipulation. Yet, there is something in Jacob God finds worthy of redemption. He has a heart that genuinely wants to serve and be used of God. But God must do something in him to chisel away the bad traits in his life.

He sends an angel in the form of a man to wrestle away the striving in Jacob. The only way to remove the striving in Jacob is to injure his physical abilities. “When the angel saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man'” (Gen 32:25-26). Jacob’s natural abilities were so great that God literally had to make Jacob a weaker man physically in order for God’s power to be manifested in his life. When this happened a turning point took place in Jacob. A new nature was birthed in him that required a total trust in God. His name was changed in recognition of this defining moment. “Then the man said, ‘Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome'” (Gen 32:28).

My friend Bob Mumford once said, “Beware of any Christian leader who does not walk with a limp.” If a leader has not wrestled with God over their natural abilities and come to a place of total dependence on God, that leader will live a life of striving and manipulation.

Let go and let God do the work needed in you. When this happens even your enemies will be a peace with you.

1 Comment »

Of Disappointments…

Today, I am very much unhappy. This past few days a lot of things happened that went against my plans and expectations. I became so disappointed with people, of circumstances and of myself. See, I am really trying hard to change my life for the better but people are trying to destroy me. They say I couldn’t change and I am and will always be the same person I was. What to do when that happens? Believe me I am trying very hard to reverse that belief that people impose upon me.

I think that everything is up to what I believe I am not what people think I am. Also, I would like to think that I have an audience of One and that God already forgave me and gave me chance to change. I resolve to make sure that I only depend on my Heavenly Father and disregard people’s notion of me. I resolve to stop defending myself, saying bad things about people in the process. Like what God charged me at the start of this year, I should be a living testimony of His love.

Then I also thought of the disappointment that I am giving Him. The things I did and still doing and I realized that I have caused Him so much grief. And I realized that I need to depend on Him even more because if He has forgiven me many times, I can be assured that He won’t disappoint me, He will still love me and care for me.

Leave a comment »

Pamahiin…


Nung mamatay ang bayaw ng lola ko, I went to the burol naturally. Then, siyempre, because I am still childless after years of marriage, natural ang pangigigil ko sa bata. Nakatuwaan ko yung anak ng pinsan ko na baby girl. Sabi nang Tita ko na may buhat sa kaniya, “Oi, rissa lawayan mo.” Sabi ko, ayoko nga di naman yun totoo eh. All the while looking at my sister who is also a Christian. Tapos umalis ako at pumasok sa loob ng bahay kung san nandon si Lolo. Mula nung kinatuwaan ko yung bata, eh hindi na tumigil ng iyak. So, tinawag ako ng tita ko, “sabi ko sayo lawayan mo eh, yan nabalis.” Ako naman ayoko pa rin. Pero sabi ng kapatid ko, “lawayan mo na ‘te, hindi kasi Christian yung bata eh.” Yun, sige defeated nilawayan ko and I prayed silently. Tapos tumigil na ng iyak yung bata.

Hmmmm…pamahiin, balis. Ano nga ba ang totoo? Sabi ng kaibigan ko wala namang mawawala kung maniwala, sabi ko, meron, ang tiwala mo kay God. Pero pano nga yung ganung sitwasyon no?

Naalala ko tuloy, yung panganay na kapatid ng asawa ko ay namatay nung sanggol pa, sabi ng biyenan ko e dahil daw sa balis din. Kasi daw may bumating 2 babae mga 4pm, tas simula non suka ng suka. Pero nung ipatinging sa doktor wala naman daw sakit. Tas pinahanap nila yung 2 babae para malawayan. Pero siyempre wala na sila. Ayun 4pm the next day nawala na rin ang bata.

Ano -ano pa bang pamahiin ang alam natin, ay ano-ano ang ibig sabihin. Ano bang pamahiin ang kinatatakutan ng ilan?

ITIM NA PUSA – sabi nila pag nakasalubong ka ng itim na pusa, bumalik ka na lang sa bahay mo dahil may mangyayaring masama sa yo sa daan. Malas daw ang itim na pusa. Eh paano kung tumama ka sa lotto at kukunin mo na ang pera eh may nasalubong kang itim na pusa, hindi ka na tutuloy para sa pera?

PULANG HUGIS UNAN, SINULID SA NOO at BLACK AND RED BEADED BRACELET para sa bata- kontra usog daw. At ang sinulid sa noo eh para mawala ang sinok. Paano kung kunin ng bata ang sinulid sa noo at kainin?

SUKOB- controversial to samin ngayon. Pag sa isang pamilya daw eh may kinasal ng sabay sa loob ng isang taon eh, mamalasin daw o magpapligsahan ang dalawang mag-asawa na ikinasal sa taong yun. Dapat kasi nung 2008, nung kinasal kami, naisip din ng kuya ng asawa ko magpakasal sila late that year. Ayaw ng biyenan ko. Magpapligsahan daw kami, pag may sakit ang isa yung isa din magkakasakit, parang ganun. Ano kaya yun?

Ano pa ba? Marami pa. Wag mo tutuluan ng luha ang patay at babalik siya, wag ka magwawalis sa gabi at lalabas ang swerte. Yan at marami pang iba. Ano nga pala ang mawawala pag naniwala ka? Siyempre, ang pagtitiwala at pananampalataya mo sa Diyos na tanging nakakaalam ng lahat sa iyong kinabukasan. Ibig bang sabihin pag nagwalis ako sa gabi eh, hindi na ako pwedeng pagpalain ni Lord?

Mapalad ako at ako ay Kristiyano at alam ko na ngayon kung ano ang pwede kong ituro sa magiging anak ko. Walang kahulugan ang pamahiin, kaya lang siguro nangyayari ang sinasabi mong “malas” ay dahil yun ang iniisip mo, kaya ibinibigay sayo. Dahil wala kang TIWALA.

Leave a comment »

I’m 26!!!

…excited about it…

Yup, yesterday was my birthday. I turned 26. A lot of things spun in my mind, and boy, that made me forget that it was a big day, supposedly. I was thinking about business, work, marriage and all the other stuff. I texted my friend Irish about something about business and I completely forgot it was my birthday!

Hmmm…day 2 of the 2nd quarter of my life and I am still confused and thinking of a lot of things. I feel so disappointed about myself because I am still like this. I work for a job I don’t like, still rent an apartment and can’t decide on what to do. Although there are a lot of things I could be grateful for like my wonderful husband, I still can’t help worrying about out future. No savings, no steady and fulfilling career, nothing! And no one to hang on to.

But thinking about it makes me also think that this is God’s way of keeping me at bay. I should just learn to trust Him and not other people. I should just look for the things that are positive and be always hopeful.

I love my God and I know that He loves me no matter how doubtful and ingrate I am. I just have to re-attach myself to my Vine and hope that I will grow.

Leave a comment »

Paano ba Malito?

Ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang walang direksiyon ang buhay ko. Wala akong mabigat na problema, yun ang mas mabigat. Kasi wala naman akong problema pero depressed ako. Ang alam ko lang meron akong ginagawa na hindi ko na gusto, pero pag binitawan ko eh maaring magulo ang buhay ko. Hindi ko alam kung takot ba akong bitawan to at ang lahat ng kaginhawaang dala nito o kaya ko bang bitawan ito, magsakripisoyo ngayon at maging tunay na masaya sa hinaharap?

26 na ako ilang araw na lang. Pero natatakot ako dahil wala pa rin akong nararting na masasabi ko na nagustuhan ko o pinaghirapan ko. Oo, masaya ang aking pamilya. Masaya kaming mag-asawa, sobra-sobra na yun dapat. Pero meron akong hinahanap. Anak. Tagumpay. Ewan.

Leave a comment »

Not Normal

Had a conversation with a friend. And maybe she doesn’t know that I am now a Christian, we have not seen each other for years. So well, she was recalling our escapades when we were younger and I crinched on the idea of me doing it at present. You see, so many things have changed about me. Aside from the fact that I am now a married woman, I am also a Christian, and I should say I am trying to live up to that name (not implying that I am perfect now), but things just feel different for me now.

My visions, dreams and attitude now is way way way different then. My friend was surprised that I said all things about what is right according to the Bible. She was most surprised when I advised her about not having premarital s**. She knew what I went through when I was still different. She knew how liberated I was when it comes to things like that. It was like her to say ” Parang di mo naman ginawa dati yun o!”. She have the right to say that, because she know what I did in the past. The only answer I managed to give her was that that is exactly the reason I am advising her against it. Because I already know. I already know how much emotional hurt that will bring you, especially once you marry the man for you. You’ll be so sorry that you wasted all those years all those pleasure to a guy that dumped you after getting what he wants from you. You’ll be so sorry that you couldn’t give yourself “whole” to the person whom God has given you. You’ll be so sorry.

I told her I am just blessed that I married a great man who understood (and mind you, he was a virgin when we met, he was 29) and a God who forgave me.

It’s just so not normal to be a virgin anymore. Especially in the industry where I work. What normal now is premarital s**, extramarital affairs and casual s**. It’s not so normal to preserve yourself until wedding bells.

Hmmm.

Leave a comment »

Christianity and The Law of Attraction

The title is pretty much contradicting eh?

Law of Attraction is kind of a New Age thing and of course Christianity is faith in the One and Only God.

As a Christian, I sort of practice a sort of Law of Attraction thing in my life. But I wouldn’t really call it that. In my other blog, I write about making money, acquiring wealth and all those stuff. I’d like to say that I don’t really believe in the “law” of Rhonda Byrnes but I would like to cross-reference my faith with what the book says (yup, I read the book and watched the video). Some may say that I am justifying the “belief in the law”, but believe me I am not.

I believe that as a daughter of God, I have the rights to the riches that He has. I know that He allocated some of the wealth for me since I was born. He said that He plans to prosper me (Jeremiah 29:11) and to be prosperous, I believe will please God. It means that I am working hard for my family, to help the needy and in turn will attract nonbelievers to my way of life.

I believe that God gave us the key to an abundant life. I don’t know what book I read it from, but think of this analogy : You were given by an unknown benefactor a brand new Ferrari, You’re ecstatic because you’ve been longing to replace your bicycle as a mode of transportation. So yeah, you have a Ferrari! But then one day, you’re friend calls you, you excitedly tells him you have a Ferrari but when He asks you, “so, how does it run?”. You answer, “I don’t know, I’m scared it won’t start so I just kept it in the garage! What if it does not work?” Pretty stupid huh? God has given us the key to His abundance, but sometimes our fear and distrust get ahead of us that we can’t even manage to put the keys He gave to the doorknob of His promises!

I also believe that we have to excel in everything that we do for the Lord is an excellent God. So, if we excel, the natural inclination is we get rich.

Why not believe that He is a God of possibilities? That He can lift you up in your circumstance and make His power known to people? We can get rich

Leave a comment »

Moving Out

We’re moving back in Laguna this coming Sunday. We have decided on this (actually it’s me who decided and I forced my husband to it, hehehe! Nope, we mutually agreed later on) since last year but there were situation that prevented us to do so.

First, the Ondoy disaster. Well, we kinda was eyeing that house since August but due to financial constraint we were not able to do it though the owners of the house sort of saved it for us (owner: Daddy’s friend). Come first week of October we were ready to move when Ondoy came and the owners would have to let their cousin who had been affected by the flood, to live at the unit we were suppose to occupy. So, they stayed their for 2 months. We waited.

Then last December we were suppose to move, but then, the owner’s wife, passed away. Which of course we have to understand the situation so we didn’t bother to bother them about the house. Until January.

In the process, I was doubting if it was at all God’s will for us to move out of my in-laws house. When I talked to my mother-in-law about the decision 2 weeks ago. I felt her sadness and also I felt sad. I asked my husband if he ain’t sad. He said ” Oo naman, pero yun naman talaga dapat nating gawin eh. ”

It’s not that I don’t want to move out. Seriously, I was the one who asked hubby and he didn’t want to at first. Of course, their house is his comfort zone. Nanay, fixing all the things, worrying about things. It was all easy for both of us. But of course, we also know that we have to move on. We have to learn how to live on our own. We have to start minding our finances because we know there is no more Nanay who would feed us if we blew up all our salary. I would have to start getting on my feet early in the morning, to prepare my husband’s breakfast and get to work. Then clean the house aftegr work while waiting for him to come home. It will all be tiring once again. Especially now I have been used to not mind the house because Nanay can take care of it.

But I guess, that’s really how things are suppose to be. We have to do this together. Prepare to have a child and not be children anymore.

Until earlier I was doubting the decision to move, ( though I know no turning back because I have paid for the house’s rent last Saturday) and was praying for God to help me and confirm that this is indeed His will. Thankfully, I read Pastor Dennis’ blog and I thought ” hey, yeah, this is so true. I guess he should have called it a children’s room. Because like me, I have been so comfortable being a daughter-in-law that I almost forget that I am now a wife.”

So yeah, I AM NOW EXCITED TO MOVE! A bit sad, because I will miss the noise at their home, I will miss Nanay’s stories, but of course, we have to live as husbands and wives and start building a home of our own.

1 Comment »

Napapansin ko….

…nakakapag-post lang ako kapag masama ang loob ko….

And yes, grabe, and I know blogging somehow ease it. The thought that I am like talking to you and sort of prayer na rin.

God demands the totality of your being. That you invest all of yourSelf into celebrating the glory and the preciousness of being alive right now, no holding back and saving for later.

That came from an application in Facebook and yes it somehow, shot right through me. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Funny, this morning, well, my husband and I had an argument and yes it is the argument that most couples go through. MONEY! Priorities and other stuff. But of course, I didn’t really shout or anything, I am really afraid of him to do that. But you know, my heart was really crying.

Arggghhhh… Basta. Yun. Then after he went to work I prayed to God,” ano po ba gagawin ko? Should I look for a job? Bakit naman ang tagal ng blessings?” Hahaha….That’s just a rebellious daughter speaking to her Father.

Then, after that, Ate, my sister-in-law, got into some argument with my brother-in-law and yes, it was about money. Then I was kinda thinking “See? Lord? everybody here is having the same problem!”

And then she approached me (I was folding our clothes then and the door was open), she said ” Bakit kasi hindi pa sagutin na lang ni Lord ang lahat ng dasal natin eh no… Hindi naman sa pag-aano (she said this as a disclaimer kasi Christian din siya)… Eh kaya lang sana wala na ganitong problema!”

I said, ” well, He can’t answer all of our prayers because He needs to look into our hearts first. May nabasa akong book (Breakthrough Prayer by Pastor Jim Cymbala) sabi we need to clean our lives or at least attempt to para i-answer yung prayer natin. Like, yan yung sa 5-6, diyan pa lang wala na yung faith niyan e…Kasi if He is going to answer all our prayers and we’re doing things na una pa lang ipinagbawal niya eh, it’s like He is supporting our lifestyle di ba?”

Then she said, ” eh di yun nga dapat na lang magpadala siya ng blessing para wala ng bumbay! Kahit ilang libro naman basahin ko tungkol sa prayer wala rin kasi wala naman…”

I said (in a defeated tone), ” eh dun nga makikita yung faith e, minsan He is asking for our obedience first before He gives the blessing. Paano naman kung i-bless niya tayo with what we want e, hindi naman ready heart natin. Baka lalo lang tayo mapalayo sa kaniya” At this point, God was impressing to me, “There is your answer, ikaw na ang sumagot!”

Hahaha… You are truly my Father! Biruin mo..Hahaha…Minsan talaga ang tao no, alam naman ang sagot sa tanong eh nagtatanong pa!

Ah, then I prayed after that. Repented for every sin I know of. Then I asked Him what should I do na. Wahahaha…My husband texted ” Wag na muna.” (About the new work na papasukin ko sana). Okay, Wives submit to your husband.

1 Comment »

A Noble Purpose

This morning I was reading my Bible before I went out to do the stuff that I do (work?). I follow VCF’s Bible Study guide and today being October 21st, I read 2 Timothy 2 and 2 Timothy 1(which I failed to read yesterday,sorry Lord!). What caught my attention was this verse in chapter 1 verse 7:

” … for God did not give us the spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline”

And being the person that I am, I focused on the spirit of power. I immediately put in my journal:

” YEAH, God gave me the spirit of power. It means I can do everything in God who strengthens me. Rock on!”

But God told me to wait… and read on. I did…And then I read chapter 2 verse 19:

” Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.”

And chapter 2 verses 15 and 16:

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. 16Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly”

It is amazing how God detailed in the Bible how he want things to happen and what He is giving us to help us make the thing happen. Now, reading the entire chapter I knew why God told me to read on and not to just look at what I want to look at.

In the latter part of 2 Timothy 2, we are being taught to clean ourselves so we can be used for God’s noble purpose. How do we do that? He gave us the spirit of SELF-DISCIPLINE. Wow! Noticed how the word loops to where it started? Amazing. God’s message for me today is (as written in my journal):

He gave me the all the power I can use to keep His commands and serve Him, not for my own use or not for the satisfaction of men.I am given the spirit of POWER, LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE, to make a difference, to be different, to help out, to share what I have and to turn away from wickeness so He can use me for His noble purpose.”

Lord, I pray that I will be able to turn away from wickedness. I pray that now, I will be able to prepare myself to be used for your noble purpose. Refine me. Purify me. Thank you for giving me the power of SELF-DISCIPLINE and I pray that I CAN USE THAT now to change my heart and my desires so that I can focus solely on serving You. I pray in Jesus Name. Amen.

Leave a comment »